Saturday, 27 November 2010

I'm doing it again!

I have entered a new 'selfish phase'. I had to!

When I started the whole Project Rika thing I imagined that at one point one would arrive, and then be THERE for good. I now have to realise, that there is no THERE. New challenges - yes, falling into old habits - as well, but there is no 'arriving'. I surely have reached a level of content which I didn't have before, but arriving would mean that I am standing still. This wonderful idea of reaching a higher level and then having my peace and basically the same comfort like before Project Rika, just without the back pain and the headaches, is just not working.

I now realise that for me standing still is almost the same as going backwards. Over time I have conceived a level of self observation which now allows me to see that slowly but surely I was on my way of being dragged back into the old ways, and not just in what I do, but in what I think and feel as well. Again, like three years ago when I set up the Lifestyle part of IL, I now feel selfish when I am not socialising as much in order to keep myself together. Again, it seems that my doings are not necessarily seen as work but as 'a phase she is in', this is at least how it feels when I excuse myself for leaving the dining table early and am told: 'Yes, you are allowed to be asocial'. I know it's a joke, but there must be something in my body language provoking that joke... and that is not good!

So my dear friends: I herewith apologize in advance for any asocial behaviour. I have a new project to run!

The aim is to bring Incredible Ladies Project up to decent levels and to win me a reputation as a writer! That means that I will have to work a lot, and that I will have to learn a lot, and that  I will have to do the right things to have something to write about. And it means that I only will go to the movies when I really need a break, or the movie is really worth watching, and altogether I will have to be rather strict in my time management. I am going back to my Incredible Ladies roots, learning from myself and inviting you to join me on that journey. Praise to Farnaz who four years ago gave me the idea to write it all down!

PS: It is the 27th November 2010, 16:10 and I am sitting at my computer!

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